Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
