I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
