What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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