I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think people are normalizing furries
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
