that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
