i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
