I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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