I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
