you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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