So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
