who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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