We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
