What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
