it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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