i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
