If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
