I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
