Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
