The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
