help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
