I got chris browned last night
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
