I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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