I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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