You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
