its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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