So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
