Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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