look no pants
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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