hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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