You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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