my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
