I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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