I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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