i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
