get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
