u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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