i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
