Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
