We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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