i may or may not be watching the land before time
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
