turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
