And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
