I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
