she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
