You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
