highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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