oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
