grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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