if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
