i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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