I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
not ubering you a puppy
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
